The penn pens down her puns! (Part 1)

I just realized how much i like penning down my thoughts and now that i'm quite literally 'penning' it down, it makes for a good pun.

Now now, don't get frightened by the title and the opening sentence. No matter how 'punny' i might be, i don't intend to make your eyes and ears bleed (or lets atleast hope not)

Talking about making ears bleed, you know why i luvvv ( emphasis on the 'v'.. this is a new obsession i picked up from someone) travelling?? OK, there are a LOT of reasons, but one of them is the amazing conversations that you get to overhear. Some you may directly be a part of, some you over hear.

I'm more of a silent observer so i end up hearing more 'interesting' conversations than being a part of them. Come now, don't give me that eye-roll and brand me as an eavesdropper. You can't blame me if people around me decide to speak really loudly in languages i'm familiar with can you ;)

It's as if fate wants me to document these guffaw worthy conversations.. and thats exactly what i intend to do..

(In an hilariously interesting order, here goes)

#1 You're my honey-bunch, sugarplum, pumpy-umpy-umpkin!

Everyone has their first crush at a different age.. I've seen my friends go gaga over Hrithik Roshan post 'Kaho Na Pyaar Hai' ( and that was like nearly 10 years back). I've seen my friends write 'love letters' out to a guy in my class as early as the 3rd standard.. And i've even heard of some friends having an innocent crush on their kindergarten teachers.. Me? well i had my first crush just a few months back.. Yes, i AM romantically challenged..

So this was a conversation i heard on a bus from the Kochi to Guruvayur, between the teo 'young ladies' who were sittinng in front of me. Now before i start with their actual conversation, let me describe them for you..

The first one, lets call her Riya was all of 4 feet. Dressed in denim capris teamed with a white shirt with Hannah Montana's face on it, she sure was in touch with the current fashion for an 8 year old.

Her friend/ cousin, who looked slightly older, lets call her Priya looked far more simpler than our uber modern Riya unless ofcourse you were more observant. Priya had obviously sneaked into her mother's vanity case and had tried on some blue eyeshadow (to go with her outfit ofcourse) and had a different nail color on every nail.. Which brings us back to our conversation..

Riya: You're wearing eye-shadow va?

Priya: Ammaam, first i thought i'd wear my new green dress but my green eyeshadow is over, so i thought i'd wear blue itself.

Riya: Cha! so lucky you are, my amma doesn't let me touch her makeup. But why are you wearing different colored nail polish on each finger?

Priya: It's couture!!

Riya: Oh couture is a new brand uh? i wear only lakme

Priya: No No. Couture means 'Style'

Riya: oh apdiya? But if i wear like this and all, my boy friend won't like it.

*Deepti falls of her seat*

Priya: What?? you have a boy friend uh??

Riya: Ya, this is my third boyfriend.. Why? You don't have uh??

Priya: Ofcourse i have * VERY defensive tone* but i'm fighting with him now.. um.. so what's your boy friend's name?

Riya: His name is Swaadhistan, but i call him Swadoo *blush*

*Deepti thinks she's going to puke*

Priya: oh oh ok.. So you love him uh?

Riya: Ya ya.. look *points at plastic 'tweety' ring* He gave me this.

Priya: That's cute, but my boy friend gives me real jewelry *points at her chain which has heart locket on it* MY boyfriend gave me this for my birthday.

*Deepti searches for hard object to bang her head against*

Riya: Do you think you'll marry your boyfriend?

Priya: Let's see ya.. right now i'm having a fight with him because i saw him holding hands with his ex.. she sits in the bench next to his, so they get to talk during classes also. I've to sit in the front row cos of my height.. If they get back together, then that's all

* Deepti decides to jump off bus, but thankfully Riya's mom comes to check on them and the girls hush up*

Ah! young love, so naive, so immature, so .. so.. so.. BARF-WORTHY!!

#2 Love love me do.. How do i propose, if only i knew..

This i heard in the waiting lounge at the Kochin airport. There's this thing about Mallus.. they talk a lot.. and i mean, a LOT!! and they don't mind being overheard, infact sometimes they want to be.

So there i was, looking as Maru as possible with all my shiny bling and mehendi adorned hands (hey, I had an engagement to attend), one out of the three occupants of the lounge.. The other two, were these two mallus, airport helpers,lets call them meesai1 and meesai2

(the convo which was originally in mallu has been translated, not cos yu don't know mallu but cos i don't know mallu pronunciations :P)

Messai 1: Dude, look at that north-indian sitting there.. looks our age only..

Messai2: huh? hmm..

Messai1: What's with you dude? Things bad with shajeena?

Messai2: hmm..No.. thing is, things are getting serious.

Messai1: Serious? what're you talking bout bro?

Messai2 * pulls out a ring* i'm thinking of proposing to her

Messai1: WOAH!!!

Messai2: Thats all you're gonna say?

Messai1: Well what else did yu expect me to.. its suicide dude

Messai2: But i really love her.. tell me.. how do i propose

Messai1: Get down on your knees and shove the ring in her face... If she says NO, run for it before she changes her mind, if she says yes, jump from the nearest building.

Messai2: NOT funny!

Messai1: OK, hmm whats her favourite flower?

Messai2: I don't know

Messai1: OK, whats her favourite chocolate?

Messai2: I don't know

Messai1: What DO yu know bout her?

Messai 2: that i'm in love with her.. * laughs*

Messai 1: oh please.. ok where did yu meet her for the first time?

Messai2 : On a bus.

Messai1: That's it then

Messai2: What's it.

Messai1; ask her out on a bus.

Messai2: er? on a bus??

Messai1: yea dude.. when she passes money for the ticket, pass her a ring back with the ticket

Messai2: if i'm with her, why wud i make her buy the ticket?

Messai1: OK, make the conductor give her the ring.

Messai2: Then she'll think the conductor is proposing to her.

Messai1: Point.. Take her on a long bus trip and get her groundnuts

Messai2: How will that help?

Messai1: Shove the ring into her cone of groundnuts..

Unfortunately, that is when i had to leave.. So i'm still wondering how that guy asked his girlfriend out.. I mean i've heard of many a 'nutty' proposal, but this sure beats them all.. ;P

The 'Saal Ka Last With a Blast' Series

Most people are known to take resolutions in the new year, ( and give it up two weeks into the year) but I'm thinking, why not change traditions a bit??

I mean when you give up your traditions so early in the year you're loomed with a sense of guilt (for a while at least), so why not adopt a technique where you can try something new, and give it up before you get bored of it..

Presenting, the 'Saal ka last with a Blast' plan..

Well, every year you start off with ambitious dreams of what you want that year to be like and you'd have barely done anything on this list of yours by the end of the year.. I know that's true for me.. For instance, i wanted to start swimming again this year..( I went for precisely one week, caught a cold and gave up).

I wanted to bell the CAT this year (hehehehe hahahaha hohohohoh.. OK I'm not even gonna start on that)

I wanted to make more time for my friends( Considering i haven't met my best friend who lives like 3 kilometers away in over 2 months, THAT resolution clearly didn't happen)

But but but, the saal ka last with a blast ( phew it's a task to type that every time, let's just call it sklwab) is not about reminiscing(?!) the past, but kicking ass in the future..

So here's the plan, there's a week to new years and I'm gonna squeeze in as much of my resolutions into this one week..

Starting with writing more often ( considering i might have to disappear to mallu land where the Internet is slower than a pregnant snail, this might be tough. But i can always write out posts the old school way and publish online later.. muahahaha that way, i can even cheat :P )

Get back to swimming ( THIS is VERY achievable..yay!! )

Read all the books I'd picked up this year.

Staying connected with my friends ( errrr again a toughie since i wont be in town.. but the three days to new years are full on dedicated to them)

And the list probably goes on and on and on.. i mean after all it's not just for new years that we make resolutions..

So there it is.. my BIG PLAN.. wish me luck!!

The Saga Continues..(Part 2)

After a happy family dinner, we were back home.. I wondered how to spend the last few hours of my 'teenage' life.. I decided to pull down all the photo albums and the diaries from the years gone by.. There's something about going through ones old photos that livens up one's spirits.. you can't help but smile when you see a picture of yourself in a funny costume that you had to wear for a school play or a picture of you making funny faces at the camera on your first excursion outside the state.. I was enjoying the company of the 'ghost of the birthdays past'..

The sweet smell of vanilla mixed with the seductive scent of chocolate floated through the air... Lost in the downpour of memories, i had forgotten to check on my parents.. I had assumed they were asleep.. I listened, but all i could hear was muffled whispers.. i stepped out of my room, the entire house was dark except for a lone candle in the drawing room.. I took timid steps towards the candle.. I thought i heard a giggle..

Confetti flew in the air and the lights came on..

All the people i'd been looking at in my photo albums, stood in front of me now, all of them wearing a party hat and singing for me.. There was giggling, there was teasing but mostly there were just warm tight hugs..

So you think a picture is worth a thousand words?? Well, a hug is worth all the memories and the love associated with each of those memories that these simple words describe..

I was finally 20.. and i was loving every minute of my new life!!

The Saga Continues..(Part1)

( OK, i know this post is like a month overdue, but like i always say, better late than never :) )

I've always been scared of commitments of any form and quite frankly, i HATE change.... Changing schools, taking decisions, making new friends- its always been scary for me.. Call me a gutless mallu, but that's just how i am. And thus i find birthdays scary..

Confused? Well as you grow older, you have more responsibilities. and you need to be committed enough to these new responsibilities to do a half decent job.. NIGHTMARE!!!!

I'd been thinking of this very same nightmare for a while now and the daily birthday countdowns that my friends were giving me, the cards that were coming in and the constant birthday discussions were just making things work..

It's the last year of college, and maybe I'll be working the next year or perhaps I'll be doing my PG.. My head'd been spinning thinking about the responsibilities that were to fall on my head soon and the change that I'd have to encounter.. Every message that came in reminding me about my birthday felt like the loud ticking of a time bomb about to burst.. No matter how much my friends tried to show me the brighter side, my brain refused to accept there was anything good about growing older..

Dad'd just come back from a really long tour, and i was moping around oblivious to everything other than the loud ticking of 'the time-bomb'. We decided to go out for dinner, hoping that that would change my mood, at least temporarily.. I decided to drive:- grown up act #1..

My parents were talking about grad school.. but (thankfully) there was enough traffic to distract me..

A bunch of hooligans overtook suddenly from the right..My mum noticed the 'cute' guys in the car.. Dad commented on their 'uber sexy' tyres... I swore loudly, cursing the mindless brats( much to my dad's amusement and ma's shock):- grown up act #2..

We reached besant nagar ; i fussed about the lack of parking space and frowned at a skimpily dressed teenager.. :-grown up act #3..

My phone buzzed.. "yet another reminder", i thought as i crossed the road.. And thats when my dad took my hand.. He wrapped his fingers around mine, like he always did when i was little and pulled me along as he crossed the road..When we reached the other side, he patted my head and smiled. "No matter how old you are, you'll always be my little girl"

I looked at my phone to check the message.. it was F.O.F..

"Age is an issue of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter".

That's when it struck me, it didn't matter if i was turning 20 or 70. I would always be my daddy's little girl, i would always have the love of my friends... I could do whatever i wanted to do and be whoever i wanted to be.. no matter how old i was cos I'd always have people i could fall back on and who make every day of my existence a wonderful experience..

Somehow, the countdown didn't seem threatening now..

" Tick tock tick tock..4 more hours left of your teens" read the next message..

I smiled.. "four more hours before the start of a new adventure"

Guess who's back!

I was watchin Julie and Julia yesterday and watching Julie Powell's eyes light up every time she had a new recipe to blog about reminded me about how much i loved narrating funny happenings or venting my frustration through my blog.

Things've been coming up one after the other and I've found no time to write.. something that i adore. Its not that there hasn't been much to write about.. trust me there's lots.. Its just that I've not been finding time.. rather I've not made an effort to make time for it..

Writing a sarcastic love letter will not help me this time, but i know i need to pursue my passions and writing is one of them..

if i could quote a line from the movie to describe my blog:

" you are the butterto my bread and the breath to my life"

well actually i reckon that quote works well for all my passions, and so here's hoping, i find more time to pursue all that i love!

The one on nicknames

(This was supposed to be written instead of the previous post, but wats a good story without a prologue right? )

Now nicknames are very interesting, cos there're memories behind each nickname a person has. And each story is just as goofy and just as interesting as the other.. And your true identity is always hidden in your nickname ( or so at least i like to believe)

F.O.F ( new comers look at previous posts to find out who F.O.F is) and I were having another of our random conversations in the middle of the night when we came to the topic of nicknames.. Now he's got a very nice name, but its boring ( and a tad bit formal) to use a person's name in every conversation.. Nicknames are somehow more personal and a whole lot more fun. Thus began a night long conversation on suitable nicknames for each other.. Now as always i shall start with another story and come back to the interesting conversation i had ( what can i say, i love the air of suspense.. told yu i could be a drama queen)

So here's the story of my first nickname..

You know how kids pick up words ending with vowels more easily.. and most times they're repeated vowels.. for instance words like 'tata' and 'mumma' and the likes.. Well i was no exception.. Though my mum had tonnes of mallu names to call me by (read molu), i decided to coin an all new word of my own- 'Dappa' ( pronounced the same way as 'cuppa')

What logic went behind the invention of this name i know not.. But ever since i could speak, i called myself dappa.. and anything around me had to be prefixed with dappa.. for instance instead of jus askin for chocolate, i'd say 'dappa choco give' or instead of saying ' i don't want to go to school', i'd say 'dappa school no'.. Now everyone thought that it was incredibly cute ( Not jus the name, but the way i associated everything to the name/word dappa) and so the name stuck on..

And over the years, several other 'names' have emerged from this simple name.. Such as 'Double-u' ( coined by my mom's brother, after the weird way in which i can twist my eyebrows)

'Dappu' ( come on, its the comman cliche' right, the ending with 'u' name)

'Dapp'

So thats bout the 'name' i gave myself ( and as boring as this post might be to you, i'm having incredible fun walkin down memory lane or should i say 'funny name' lane)

Then there were the series of 'Deep' related names, like Deepu, Deep and what not.. But one of my all time favourites is 'Dips'.. Somethin my dad gave me.. and incidentally its also wat F.O.F has started calling me..

These were the 'normal' names, and now for the silly ones..

Lets go in order shall we..

Enter 4th grade, there comes a guy (Kumaresh i think his name was)

You know the whole ' the boy teases yu cos he secretly likes yu' story right, well apparently this guy DID like me, but i sure din like him for the weird nickname he gave me.. I'd jus come bak from Delhi, and no matter how mallu my family is, we prefer eating roti to rice.. So paranthas were a usual lunch..

And thus the boy decides to call me- *wait for it*- 'CHAPPATI!!!! Apparently it rhymes with Deepti.. So all through primary and middle school this guy and his 'gang' call me chappati.. (Till 8th when i finally realized i could do something about it and ended up punching the guy)

Next.. We're in 9th and guys have started lookin beyond 'Pokemon' and started discovering girls.. Now i was this tall, THIN thing in school and most guys were too shy to come and speak to me ( it could've also been the fact that most of them were afraid to talk to the 'teacher's daughter')

Now i'm the 9th grader's definition of 'hot' and nothing describes me better than a matchstick, so there yu have it, they started calling me ' THEEPETTI' ( which means match stick, or rather match box)

Next stop, 11th grade.. I'm the nerdy dancer/ artist who keeps to herself but when let lose, cracks crazy jokes and is basically fun to hang out with.. Then starts a fad, i started scribbling the initials 'dp' wherever i go.. On benches, on the floor, in all the text books, i write it EVERYWHERE in different styles.. The trend setter that i am, suddenly everyone starts spellin their name this way.. Divi (short for Divya) became DV.. Vaish (short for Vaishnavi) became YC and so on.. And so, for my kooky trends, i was christened Dippy ( or dp)

College was next.. Nothin interesting happened till my second year, when finally the triplets were formed!! Now i'd taken an oath of sorts to stop swearing.. Hence everytime i wanted to curse someone, i'd refer to them as a bumboola or a bumboo or jus plain bum.. Thus the name bumboo stuck to me( Vedha apparently yawns like a cat, hence she became Billi and supri who jus cant seem to keep her mouth shut became Blabber)

Those were all the names i have and like, and you never know, i might gain more as life moves on..And someday when I'm all old and grey and I'm signing some voucher at office, I'll think of all the names i have/ had and I'll have somethin to laugh about..

Love,

Bumboo/ Dips/ Dippy/ Theepetti/ Chappati

Ps. I forgot to tell yu what i called F.O.F... apparently the guy is 'slightly' scared of crossing roads and the first time we hung out, he literally sprinted across an empty road, so i named him 'road runner' or R.R. for short.. he loves the name, i love his company, all is good in the world \m/

What's in a name??

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell just as sweet."

One of the most popular quotes in the world, any bum who's not even heard of Shakespeare would still know this quote.. Which brings us to the topic of names.. What IS in a name?

They give a person an identity (erm ok but what do you do if your name is Shruthi and you're in a class filled with 7 other Shruthi's.. 2 with the same initial even?)

They speak about the person you are (again lets take the name Shruthi.. I know a couple who are absolutely tone deaf.. so much for maintaining 'Shruthi')

Everyone has a story behind their name (or nameS as most people I know have 'house names' and 'school names'.. yea I've never really figured that out myself)

One can be named after the star you were born under, after a much loved deceased relative, after one's favourite actor, or worst.. after an old flame..

Some families follow the letter obsession. You know, having all the children named with the same letter ( Classic example, a friend of my Dad called Gurumurthy, married Ganga and they decided to call their kids Gautham and Gowri.. Now that makes it easier for us cos we jus refer to them as the 'G's)

I have a story behind my name as well, before which i shall tell you what i was *shudder* almost named..

I was born a few months after my great grand mother's demise ( and she much like my grandfather had predicted that the child to be born-me!! would be a girl)

And when i was born they saw that i resembled her ( well yea, i was born bald like a lot of babies are and since she was dying of cancer, she din have much on her head towards her end.. and the baby wrinkles and the toothlessness contributed to my uncanny 'resemblance')

Hence some old kook (one of my mum's many uncles) decided i should be called 'PadmavathyKuttiAmma' after my great grandma..

My dad who was in Bahrain that time flew down just in time to save me!!

So then it was (thankfully) up to my parents to name me..

Mum wanted me to be named Shruthi ( now you know why i used that as an example :) )

Reason being she 'knew' I'd have a nice voice and well she wanted my name to begin with an 'S' as well since my brother's did.

Dad had better plans.. He wanted me to be called Deepti- one who brings light.. He gave everyone a 2 hour discourse on how this child- me!!! had brought in happiness into every one's otherwise grey existence..

People who'd been brooding over two recent deaths, now had something to smile about.. 'The birth of a new life'

He had just got promoted, and my brother (who always came second in class, losing by a few points to a sindhi girl) had finally come in first. So i was obviously the bearer of good news, the one who one who brought a 'glow' onto faces with my toothless baby yawns.. the one who brought 'warmth' to their dark cold days..

(Long story short my dad bull crapped for two hours cos he wanted me to be named after some form of light as well. His name's Pradeep, my brother is Sandeep.. My cousins are Divya, Diya and Deepak. And well he wanted another "deep" in the family)

So that's how i became Deepti.. and from this name came a hoard of nicknames. some interesting, some confusing and some just plain hilarious..But more on that in the next post..

The drumroll

Ever noticed how the most random yet the most interesting conversations start after the clock strikes twelve? There's something to these late night conversations that bring out the best of the philosopher and comedian in you. I personally think I've been at my witty best only in the wee hours of the morning..

The conversation could be one online, a call ( though this isn't always a great idea to have with just about anyone, so late in the night) and of course the ever dear sms.. I personally have introduced several mortals to the wonderful world of 20 messages per minute. I have several tired fingers cramped hands to my name. And as gory as the last message sounded, i take great pride in this 'achievement' of mine..

My latest achievement has been this friend of a friend ( why take names, right :P )

You know how sometimes it takes you a couple of years to get to know a person and feel close to them while with certain others all it takes is a conversation to feel like you've shared a lifetime of friendship with them? Well this friend of a friend ( F.O.F lets call him) belonged to the latter, and all it took us was a countable number of messages for us to 'bond'..

Now ever since vedha has started working and supri has moved in with her grand mum, neither of them stay up late. Thus a nocturnal creature like me can get pretty lonely in the night, not having anyone to share the eeriness of the night and the random thoughts with. That's where our nocturnal hero, mr F.O.F played a pivotal role, turns out he was pretty much a vampire himself, and thus grew a friendship known only to the shadows of the darkness.

Random comments about mallus, hang outs in the city, pretentious peers and many such topics formed part of our conversation with each of us trying to outdo the other with our response. Though i think last night's conversation is worth a mention..

F.O.F is coming for a play i'm helping organize and so he'd asked me to arrange for tickets. I collected it a week back and have been planning to drop them off with him for quite a while now, but things keep coming up... I was to meet him today, but then i had to cancel last minute cos my mum and i were planning to have a few friends over..

" Still awake? i was getting bored, was hoping for company. Oh, btw guess what, my parents are coming down tomoro"

" Yup, still wide awake! they are? cool. So its gonna be good ol' quality time with the parents tomoro"

"hmm something like that, though i've saved my eve for this really sweet girl who took the pains of getting me tickets to a play i've been wanting to watch"

" lol very very lame reference my boy! and i completely forgot to tell you, i wont be able to make i tomoro. Mum's made plans. I'll send them thro someone else if its urgent"

" No, thats ok, i'll take em from you when you're free.. though the wait goes on and on doesnt it?"

"I guess.."

"But it's good"

"The wait is good? How? rather why?"

"you're a fan of how i met right? remember the drum roll?"

And thus a 2 hour conversation on the 'drumroll' followed.. For those of you who're unfamiliar with the term, well thats why i'm writing this post :)

You know the wait before a large event? How your mind starts working at double the speed? You visualise the event the way you like it in your head..

For instance, you have a really important paper presentation that could lead to a long awaited promotion. All the while you're waiting your turn, you're rehearsing what you're gonna say and how you're gonna end the presentation with a witty joke. You picture the entire hall clapping and appreciating your work, you picture the board of directors noding their head in approval and some old grouch even giving you a thumbs up.. The excitement that visual gives you, the confidence that boosts in you, the funny feeling in your tummy that all the anitcipation gives you-Well that is the drumroll..

The event as such goes by faster than one can blink an eyelid, and all that remains is the drum roll before the event and the success that follows it.

Another example? Well this is the one they use in the series itself and its the best possible example of the drumroll. Imagine you've just started seeing someone, things are going fine and you guys are going on your first official date. The ambience is just as you'd imagined it to be, the place has just enough people to let you have your own privacy and after the desert he leans over..

He puckers up and closes his eyes and you know wats gonna follow, but for those 30 seconds of seperation you're picturing the most perfect kiss, the one in which you can hear bells ring and see sparks fly. While you're thninking, you move closer and then suddenly you pull back just a little bit to add to the intensity of the moment. You move closer so that you can feel his breath on your face and you study his features and imagine how they will change when your lips touch. Thw excitment and fervour of that moment, well THATS the drum roll!

And we all have experinced this 'phenomena' at some point of time or the other, i personally love the drama that life offers and for fellow nuts like me, Enjoy the drum roll!

I can't wait to see you again (part 3)

It could be just in my mind

A funny feeling you were giving me

Whenever you were coming around

I seem to be floating on a Cloud

I seem to be losing control

Can it be love that I feel in my heart?

Can it be love - have I fallen for you?

Can it be love?

Everlasting Emotion?

'Cos when you look at me and Smile I Know...

What does one do when one is stuck alone in a room with wat might be the love of their life?

a) Make small talk and hope cupid shoots an arrow at him

b) Get the 'flirt' on

c) RUNNNNNNN!!!!

Option 'b' was something i wasn't well versed in and any attempt at it would be an epic failure.

Option 'a' wasn't bound to happen since i had to instruct myself to do something as simple as breathing.

Option 'c' didn't seem like too bad an idea.....

I shifted in my chair, ran my fingers through my hair, cleared my throat a couple of times, rubbed my nose every now and then.. I did everything i could to not look at him and that smile of his. Darn that smile!

You remember how in 5th grade your science teacher was teaching you the concept of 'dispersion' and she probably sprayed some perfume in one corner of the room and told you how due to 'dispersion' you could smell it even from the other end of the room. Well, i was jus 2 feet away from him, and the phenomena of 'dispersion' was acting like a pain in my butt!!

As if sitting in his presence wasn't bad enough and trying not to catch his gaze was torturous enough, the air conditioning was blowing his scent to me. My head was clouding with the smell of his cologne..

'So....hmmmm'

Oh no, don't start talkin, i won't know how to reply.. I looked up, opened my mouth to say something, but one whiff of the aroma that arose from his skin and i was out. I'm pretty sure all i could say would be 'duh'..

Luckily the door knob turned and the others came in, he looked towards the door and smiled, i still stared at him stupidly..

'There you are dippy'

Was someone calling me?

All of them lined up around me, Chandne pulled my hair.

'Ow'.Back to reality

The others shifted behind me, Chandne poked me again. I took the cue and quite unwillingly introduced the others to him. Why the feeling of possession i wondered, but somehow he felt mine!

The usual pleasantries were exchanged, he asked everyone about their course and college and trivial things. My turn came and i too answered without difficulty. Theatre was discussed, questions asked, answers furnished and i continued watching him. The curves his mouth made as he spoke,the way he moved his hands when he was explaining something, how his brows tensed when he spoke of something very serious, how his eyes lit up when he spoke about his passions.. I could watch him all my life.. Wait, what was i saying... Enraged with my lack of control over my emotions, i walked out of the room.

'You've got to go?', he asked.

I swept a quick last glance at him.. 'I'll be right back', i lied..

I walked to the fountain, i wanted to be as far away from a crowd as i could.. I could hear the loud thumping of music, but that was nothing compared to my heart.. Maybe the sight of the bamboo and the sound of water would calm me down!!

I watched as a pigeon dipped its head into the water and held it there for a bit to long, it shook it's head so hard when it came out, that i was scared it's head was gonna fall off.. I held my hands tightly around myself and closed my eyes..'FOCUS'

My head was finally clearing up, i had to handle just one more event. I would do that, go meet my seniors and leave for a council meeting, i'd get home, catch up with ma and pa, dinner and then sleep.. But the vision easily melted away and i saw his smiling face again..

I opened my eyes, shook my head and tried again.. I would get a good night's sleep, wake up get ready for college, get on the bike, check my mirrors and in the mirror i wud see him and he would laugh. what?? NO!!!

I opened my eyes again and there he was, right next to me, laughing

' Practicing telekinesis eh? haha careful there, you almost swept me off my feet', he joked..

Sigh, if only he knew who had swept who of their feet.

I stood up and noticed for the first time that he was just the right height for me.. I pinched myself! Stupid hyper imaginative mind!!!

'Leaving now?', i asked.

'Looks like it', he shrugged. He HAD to stop acting cute in front of me!!!

I smiled a fake smile.. so the story was ending jus like that..

I opened my mouth to say goodbye but he interrupted me.

'Can you walk with me till the gate?'

I nodded..

We walked together, i pictured us along the moors again..

I cursed my college for being so small, just a few countable steps and we were at the gate..

'So', i started. He looked up. 'I know we've said this a hundred times over now, but thank you for coming'.

His phone beeped, he looked at it and laughed again.

'Looks like you'll have to bear with me for a bit longer. My sister is still not here'.

My legs felt weak, i quickly leaned against the wall.

'It'd be my pleasure', i smiled.

A half an hour conversation followed, we spoke about food, music, movies, family, Kerala, Scotland ( turns out he worked there) and just about anything. It seemed easy talking to him now, his smile left me momentarily out of breath, but i was getting better. He stepped forward and leaned on the wall too.. I took a step away. 'So why a mundu?'

'Wow! hahaha, ok thanks for calling it a mundu and not a veshti', he grinned. 'I'm shifting actually so all my clothes are in cartons and quite honestly, this is all i could get my hands on. Ravishingly sexy isn't it?' and he pranced around.

Next thing i knew, both of us were on the road, clutching our stomachs laughing our heads off..

His phone beeped again. 'Ah she's come', he said a little disappointed. We got up and dusted ourselves.

'Well it's goodbye then'

'Guess it is. It's been fun meeting you Deepti. I really hope to seeing you again, and don't even dare to say thanks again'

What could i say to that, i smiled.

He held out his hand.' My lady', he said. I streched mine out to him, he held it gently and i felt lightheaded.

He bent his head and bowed. We both laughed. He gripped my hand firmly and shook it.'Thanks for the wonderful time.'

I felt his fingers loosen their grasp. I nodded at him. He turned and walked away. I watched him.

I felt my heart sink.

Just as i tuned to go back in, 'Oye', he called out, 'take care!'. He waved.

I got a way of knowing,

when something is right.

I feel like i must've known you,

in another life.

I felt this deep connection

when you looked in my eyes.

Now i can't wait to see you again!

I can't wait to see you again (part 2)

If you think the sound of someone hammering a wall when you have a headache is the worst, wait till you hear the loud thumping of your heart when you're hanging off a cliff or worse standing in front of what might be your 'soul mate'...

I counted till ten in my head, I'm not sure if it was to stall a few seconds or to clear my head of the constant thoughts which seemed to be piling in, but it did calm me down. I looked up and smiled.

'Thanks, but I'm good.'

And before i could look away, there it was again, the now familiar smile...

Very few people can emote well with their eyes, and his spoke volumes, as frivolous as it may sound, i could suddenly see myself with him, walking along the moors.. We weren't holding hands, neither was there any violin playing in the background, but somehow even in that momentary day dream, i knew i was meant to be with him..

"And the first place goes to Jatayu." The diva had announced the results.

The hoots and the screams that followed were enough to snap me back into reality, i held out the certificates for him to distribute (maybe, just maybe our hands would touch and i would find out if bells do really ring when then happens), but the diva intervened. Cursing him under my breath, i held out the trophies for him to distribute...

The event was now over, he'd go back in a few minutes and maybe I'd never see him again. Just a few minutes ago i wanted to escape his presence and yet now somehow, his conge pricked me. I gave out the mementos meant for the judges without making as little as an eye contact, mumbled a thanks to both of them and turned to leave. The ocean of students would soon engulf them and just as a boat during a mellow tide, they would drift further and further away and soon disappear..

'Out of sight, out of mind dippy!', I reassured myself. I turned around to pick up my bag and there he was.

"Looking for this?." He held out my bag.

'Erm yea, thanks'.I reached for it and looked away quickly.

'You look like you're from the student's union, could you, uh help me out a bit... Please?'

He didn't have to ask me twice.

'Sure how can i help you?'

'Well I thought the event would take longer, so I'd asked my sister to come in only later. Can you guide me to the guest room so i can wait there?' He gave that smile of his again. How could anyone ever say no to that?

'Sure, this way.' I lead on, biting my lip to stop my mind from drifting into another fantasy, and who knew, maybe that would stop the blood from rushing to my cheeks everytime he innocently enticed me with that smile...

I held open the door for him.

' There you go, oh would you like something to drink or eat?'

' No thanks i'm good. I guess i'll just wait.. Thanks again er....'

'Deepti.. I'm Deepti'

' Thanks Deepti..'

Silence..

'Deepti', he said again. Sigh my named seemed so beautiful coming from his lips.

'The one who brings light.. Isn't that what it means?'

I nodded. He'd been the first to say that, most people simply interpreted it for an analogue for light.

He looked up at me again, i could see a question in his eyes, or was it something else.

I cleared my throat, he looked away.

'Well, i better be goin then, thanks again for coming today, I really hope you'll be able to come back soon for another event'. I chanted a well rehearsed dialogue and stepped towards the door...

Just as i turned the door knob, he spoke again.

'Hey Deepti, if it's ok with you um could you give me company for a while? Till my sister is here?Please?'

I didn't have to look at him to know that the smile was back on his face. I swept the hair off my face and turned to him. " How hard could it be", I thought to myself.

He looked at the chair opposite him, and then at me.

I was getting better at understanding his gestures, i put my bag down and walked up to the chair. Suddenly it was hard to even breath. Breath in.. Breath out.. Breath in... and then???

I looked up, he mouthed a 'thanks'

I smiled, and that was all it took, before i knew it i was lost again in those deep eyes..It was just him and me, everything else around seemed a blur, the only thing i could see werethose intense eyes, the only thing that i could herewas my own heart racing. Why did i feel so connected to such a total stranger, what was that he had that no one i ever knew had, that left me so agog? I couldn't help but wonder!!

Pardon the way that I stare.

There's nothing else to compare.

The sight of you leaves me weak.

There are no words left to speak,

But if you feel like I feel,

Please let me know that it's real.

You're just too good to be true.

Can't take my eyes off you.

We'd be together for only a few more minutes now would i be able to recover from this silly delusion i had fallen prey to? or would i sink in deeper? What was happening to me?

I can't wait to see you again (part 1)

( Scribbled on the picturesque 2 hour journey from Kochin to thrissur in a empty train as the rain swept across the country side)

I'd never believed in 'love at first sight' and i;m still not quite sure if i do. To me it's just like those far fetched things we see in movies, like for instance how the good cop takes on 6 armed men with just one bullet in his pistol.

I'd heard anecdotes about 'real life' instances of love at first sight, but none of them were convincing enough and yet here i am on a train (buzzing with the topic of kerala's political scenario) contemplating on the existence of this phenomena..

The symptoms are the same according to all 'Yash Raj' films- sleepless nights, loss of appetite, disillusion. (heck they make it sound like some disease) and I've had all of them- maybe it's the flu or maybe it's something more....

I saw him a month ago; he'd come to college to judge and event. No one was looking at him, quite honestly i don't blame them for next to him was this Greek god of perfection. An Indian Edward Cullen if i might call him that.. Those perfect features, those golden brown eyes, that enigmatic smile, even the staff had a tough time keeping from staring at him..

And silently sitting next to this 'piece of art', almost hidden under the stares for his fellow judge was 'he'.Dressed in a red kurta and a veshti, he knew he was nothing to look at compared to the one sitting next to him and he had no qualms of not being the center of attention. Barely anyone looked at him, some to mock at his attire, and others to rave about how gutsy' he was to walk into a women's college in a veshti.Quite honestly, to me he was invisible... for now at least..

All the girl's flocked to Anshuman Pradhan like moths to flame and just like the pitiful insect, they returned burnt.. When i was asked to sit next to him, i tried not to look too eager though I'm sure i skipped and pranced as i strode to the bench. I've heard that everything seems perfect and beautiful under the influence of drugs, and so powerful was his beauty that the world seemed lovelier by just sitting in his presence, the sun looked bright again, the birds were singing again, life in general was 'picture perfect'...

I've always been a good judge of character and it dint take me too long to see through the veil of perfection and see the low lying scum for the person he was, all admiration was lost when i saw him mock every single team on stage. I'd had it with his snide remarks and looked up to argue about something. It was then that i saw 'him'. I read his name card- Vaibhav Menon. As if he'd heard me saying his name, he turned to me. The world seemed to have stood still.. he cocked his head and smiled. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, Chandne tapped me on my shoulder for something, the world was on 'play' again...

I didn't dare to look at him for the rest of the event for the fear of getting caught in his gaze again, but even without that, i cud picture his keen eyes every time i shut my own, i could picture the gentle curve his lips made when he smiled that heart warming smile of his.. I couldn't wait for the event to get over..

I was up on my feet as soon as the event was over, my heart had been weak today and i wouldn't dare test it any longer, but as fate would have it, i was asked to go on stage and help the judges distribute the prizes. Anshuman lead the way with his imperial stride and all the attitude of a diva i tied hard not to scorn at him. Vaibhav on the other hand on seeing me, stopped, bent forward and gestured me to lead the way. When i looked up at him, he had that smile on his face again and i heard my heart ringing in my ears...

I rushed to the volunteer's desk to collect the trophies. 24 trophies stacked on a small tray, the slightest movement would bring the structure down. I struggled as i took carefully measured steps. All eyes seemed to be Anshuman again as he made his 'speech' and no one even bothered to offer help except for one soul..

' Need some help with that?' I'd never heard his voice before, but i knew this was him. You know that feeling you get when you hear one of your favourite songs on the radio on a grey depressing day, and how you're suddenly filled with warmth.. Well i had the same feeling, just ten times more intense..

I gulped, could i dare to look at him? Even without my eyes meeting him, i could feel the warmth of his gaze. would i be strong enough or would i make a fool of myself?

Words are all i have

Dear Love,

I have been thinking to myself a lot lately over what went wrong and what makes me feel terribly awful. I have to accept that lies and falsehoods won't lead me anywhere, but I guess I was just really head over heels falling for you! I might have done many silly things but I just couldn't help doing such stupid things just to win back your attention.And i know it was stupid of me to have stayed away from you for so long, but i guess i was jus playing hard to get.

I really went through a lot trying to prove a point, and now i know how foolish that was.Trust me babe, every moment of the time i was away from you, you were the only thing on my mind. i couldnt sleep i couldnt eat properly wondering if you were ok.it was horrible. so many times i came to see you but backed out fearing that i wouldnt be able to pull myself away from you.

I know that I have hurt you.. hurt you bad.. but there was nothing else i could do at that point of time.. i know its been 2 months and in these two months of being with myself and gathering my thoughts and realizing myself, I've realised how dear you are to me and how i cant live apart from you. for what I've done I am asking for your forgiveness and hoping that we could start all over again. I really cherish those moments when everything was going great. I could hardly take the reality of losing you. I really want you back.

Don't take this for an empty promise, for i mean every word of what i say.. and it's only words, and word's are all i have!

this world has lost its glory

let's start a brand new story

now my love

you think that I don't even mean

a single word I say

it's only words

and words are all I have

to take your heart away

But alas!! you have no heart.. no no don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you heartless.. But its a fact isn't it?? after all, you are jus a blog.

With Love,

Deepti

Of Advice-giving Autodrivers and Situational Songs

All of us have had blue days.. Days when yu get up on the wrong side of the bed and EVERYTHING seems to go wrong.. but wat if this treacherous day extends to a week.. Imagine!! A week where everything goes wrong

A week when yu don't get to meet your best friends

A week when yu get stupid assignments dumped on yu

A week when the canteen has nothing good to eat

A week when yu ALWAYS miss an empty bus by a few seconds and need to wait for half an hour in the hot sun for the next one to come.. and when it does, its ALWAYS a jam packed one filled with people who either have too much jasmine in their hair or desperately need deodorant ( or worse, both)

A week when yu cant even take two minutes off to stare at trees

A week when yu've not turned the pages of the book yu've left half read

A week filled with 'bad hair days'

and worst of all

a week when yu never have time to talk to a special someone..

pretty rough huh?

Well as my luck would have it, the planetary positions were such that, i had the troublesome Saturn ( shanni) hovering over my life all of last week..

One thing about me is I'm a very pessimistic person, and on days like these ( or shud i say weeks) my pessimism gets the better of me

So even if the glass is actually half full, I'd see  a glass that was half empty which was cracked at the rim and had dirt at its base.

So there i was, pulling myself down, drowning my 'sorrows' in chocolate ice cream,brooding to every single soul who was patient enough to listen ( well know, lets not be judgemental.. a girl can act like a drama queen every once in a while cant she?!)

And no matter how much my friends tried to get me out of it, i jus kept sinking further..

Mum tried the 'you're-one-in-a-million' talk

Supri tried the ' you-are-an-achiever' talk

Sar tried the ' you-can-do-anything-you-set-your-mind-to' talk

Vedha tried cheerin me up and ever so kindly made me a timetable.. but i just kept makin the problem bigger and bigger in my head..

Every time any of my friends felt low, I'd always tell them to search for a silver lining.. but somehow, no matter how much i searched, i couldn't find mine..

And i had come to a conclusion that i was the world's biggest loser who'd never be anything in life, i could almost see the crowd passing me by..

And that's when i met Mr Chakaravarthy..

I'd missed my bus once again and my phone's display had stopped working.. i couldn't possibly

 be in a worse mood.. 

So i decided to take an auto to coll..

I got in without asking how much he'd charge cos i was in no mood to haggle, i turned my mp3 player on and mentally started cursing everyone who i held responsible for the horrible week i was having.. 

So much so that i started cursing Alexander Graham Bell for inventing the telephone, which later developed into the mobile phone (damn technology!)

Nothing i'd planned was goin the way i wanted to!!

And correctly started the lyrics:

I can almost see it,

the dream I'm dreaming

but there's a voice inside my head that's saying,

you'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking,

Every move I'm making

seems lost with no direction

My faith is shaking..

And that was all i needed to break down..i quickly unplugged my earphones and wiped away those tell-tale tears before anyone in the traffic noticed it.. 

'This road is one bumpy one isn't it', said the burly man in front of me and that's when i looked up into the side view mirror and noticed the driver for the first time.

He must have been in his thirties but his eyes held a pain much greater than someone his age.

' this road is one bumpy one.. isn't it', he repeated himself and smiled. I quickly drew my eyes away from the side view mirror and whispered a yes.

'Life is just like this road ma', he said.. I continued fiddling with my ear plugs.. the last thing i wanted was an auto driver preaching me..

'you must've heard people sayin life is a  journey, but remember, the road is not always a smooth one.. there are bumps, there are barriers, but sometimes you need those bumps  to slow down your journey.. sometimes you need those barriers to stop and understand where you're heading'

without realising i looked bak into the mirror and this time he caught my eye..

' you looked depressed.. that's why i'm sharing this with you.. You know, i was a rich business man.. you see that car there, i should've been goin in that car with the ac on, but instead, look at my fate, i'm driving autos for a living' 

and thus he began his story

' i used to make many a thousand every month, i wanted to save and build myself a big house, get married to an educated girl and live a happy life.. i wasn't a very bright student at school you know, but i was smart.. thats wat you need nowdays, one needs to be street smart' 

' i started a garment shops.. there are two businesses which will always prosper.. clothes and food.. people will always have occasions to buy clothes, and people will always celebrate those occasions by eating good food'

' everything was goin on fine, but like in all our tamil movies, the hero is always faced with problems.. My father suddenly passed away and it was after his demise that we found that he'd taken large number of loans. My sister had just got married and we had absolutely no money to repay the loans.. i decided to sell our house and repay the loans using that money.. that's when we discovered that my brother who was a gambler had bet the house during a game and had lost it'

' One bad thing after another kept falling on my head.. my mother fell ill, so there were medical expenses added to the existing financial burden.. i had to sell my business, empty out all my savings and work as a labourer to make ends meet.. and today somehow I've bought my own auto'

he looked into the mirror again

'but you know what ma, i don't regret any of these, for all those incidents have made me as strong as i am today.. had i shyed away from the problems, i would've been on the streets in rags and beggin for a living.. at least this way I'm making my own living without losing my self respect'

i smiled

' And yet i haven't stopped dreaming.. why should i? Just because i lost everything i had years back doesn't mean i cant have it back again.. I drive the auto till 1 in the morning, and start again at 4.. I'm trying my hand at politics and hope someday I'll become an MLA'

he noticed the skeptic look on my face

' oh don't worry ma, i don't intend to become a gold chain adorned, silk dhoti wearing corrupt politician.. i truly want to make a change for my people, i want to voice their needs.. you know when one feels truly liberated ma? not when you have all the money you want, not when you win glory, but when you bring a smile on the face of a less fortunate.. i go to the cancer institute often, and it breaks my heart every time i see all those little children who've fallen victim to such a deadly disease.. i go there and play with them, tell them stories.. i hope to save enough to take them all out for a movie on my birthday'

just then a little girl who sold towels and ear buds at the signal ran to the auto beggin him to buy her wares.. he stroked her head and asked her her name

' julie' said the confused girl..

he dug into his pocket and pulled a five rupee note out.. he placed it on her little palm, closed her fingers over it, blessed her and asked her to run along.. the warmth of the smile that beamed on the girl's face gave me a sense of reassurance  and for those few seconds i basked in the warmth of someone else's good deed.. 

He was right.. somehow my problems seemed insignificant.. i felt liberated..

the auto turned into my college's lane

' Don't forget ma, if you fall and hurt yourself, don't cry. don't blame it on the ground.. simply dust yourself off and run along'

i smiled at him and plugged  my mp3 player again as i dug into my bag for my wallet and there couldn't have been a better song for the moment:

Everything will be alright, yeah

The heart is stronger than you think.

Like it can go through anything.

And even when you think it can't,

It finds a way to still push on though..

Sometimes you want to run away

Ain't got no patience for the pain

And if you don't believe it look into your heart

The beat goes on

I'm telling' you..

Things get better,

Through whatever..

If you fall,

Dust it off.

Don't let up.

Don't you know,

You can go,

Be your own miracle..

You need to know

If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough.

But the heart keeps telling you don't give up.

Who are we to be questioning wondering what is what

Don't give up..

Through it all just stand up..

It's like we've all had better days

Problems getting all up in your face

Just because you go through it, don't mean its got to take control.. no!

You ain't gotta find no hiding place.

Because the heart can beat the hate.

Don't wanna let your mind keep playing you

And saying' you can't go on

I'm telling' you..

Things get better,

Through whatever..

If you fall,

Dust it off.

Don't let up.

Don't you know,

You can go,

Be your own miracle..

You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind.

If you fall, dust it off and live your life

Let your heart be your guide

And you will know that you're good if you trust in the good

Everything will be alright..

You can light up the dark,

if you follow your heart.

And it will get better

Through whatever

You got it in you

Just find it within..

And that's just it.. sometimes you're so blinded by the monstrous image of your problems, that you fail to find the silver lining.. at times like this, all you need to do is look within, for you are your own silver lining..